Mateo Jarquin
If you’ve ever worked in retail during christmas, then you’ve probably heard every christmas song to ever exist. But there's one song in particular that stood out to me. The Twelve Days of Christmas. That’s right, the song about someone giving their true love new presents every day. What always interested me, however, was the cost. With that being said, we will find the true cost of The Twelve Days of Christmas. And to keep consistency, we will be using Amazon to find all our items. And considering a large portion of items mentioned in the song are birds, things are bound to get interesting.
1 - A Partridge in a Pear Tree
First off, a partridge in a pear tree. This is a random gift for sure, but it’s still part of the song so we must include it. Unfortunately full sized pear trees aren’t exactly sold on Amazon, so as an alternative, I found pear tree seeds for 5.00$. And since Amazon doesn't sell live birds either, I thought I’d just go with the partridge sculpture. But then I saw this partridge ornament, and I knew it would be perfect. You can even hang the partridges in the pear tree! But now we have to consider the cost. The pardridge costs 28.00$ while the seeds cost 5.00$ and since the song mentions these items on repeat after their first day,we would have to get 12 partridges in total. As for the seeds, the partridges can all share the same tree. So after multiplying the cost of the ornament by 12, considering the seeds and all the shipping costs, this would cost approximately 346$ in total.
2 - Two Turtle Doves
Another instance of birds, and since Amazon still doesn't ship live animals to people, we need another solution. At first I thought about getting these turtle dove statues. But that's when I realized that the song never actually specified if the sentence “Two Turtle Doves” was referring to the European bird or if it was referring to two different entities. And for that reason I have chosen to get two turtle keychains and two bars of dove soap. The keychains cost 6.00$ individually and the soap comes in a pack of two for 22.00$. First I calculated the cost of the turtles, since we need to get two from this day on it would cost 132.00$. And since Dove soap comes in a two pack already that means that we would just need 11 packs, So after some quick multiplication the cost of the soap would be 242.00$. Meaning that in total these products would cost 379.00$ in total with shipping.
3 - Three French Hens
When I searched on Amazon for french hens I immediately found a lot of statues, and thought to myself “Great, that was easy!” But upon further inspection I realized that I was confronted not by french hen statues, but by regular hen statues. Which is unacceptable, since the song clearly states three French Hens. Therefore I had to take a different approach. However, I did not want to buy the short historical romance book titled, “Three French Hens.” Namely because there's no point in buying multiple copies of the same book. So instead I revisited the hen statues and thought, “how can I make these hens french?” So I settled on these “FRANCE” stickers. Which individually cost 3.00$. And the hen statue, which cost approximately 38.00$. When multiplied by three (123$.00) and considered for the next ten days will be 1236.00$ (shipping included.)
4 - Four Calling Birds
Now this one, couldn’t have been easier. While of course, there were no calling birds on Amazon. But there were birds that came in a pack of four. Which would already make my life easier in terms of calculations. But they still aren't Calling Birds. So I looked into tiny phones I could get for the birds when I realized that this would be the most expensive day on this list. That's when I was told, “how about those candy flip phones?” And upon further inspection. I found a pack of 12 flip phone pops on Amazon. Which when multiplied by 3 would give exactly one phone for each bird for each day onward. Therefore the flip phones would cost 120.00$, and the birds would cost 225.00$ dollars. Which in total would amount to 345.00$ with free shipping on both products.
5 - Five Golden Rings!
FINALLY, an item I can actually buy unironically. The only problem was finding a ring that actually contained gold. You wouldn’t believe how many “real 24k solid gold” rings I found that went for 20.00$. This Golden ring went for approximately 235.00$ if you chose the smallest ring size. As you can tell, this will probably be the most expensive day on this list. Before I do the calculations, I would just like to acknowledge that this ring is probably not the best golden ring out there. If you do intend on getting a real gold ring that will last, I recommend not buying online from Amazon. That being said, 235 x 5 is 1175.Which is a lot of money for just one day! And then you have to multiply 1175 multiplied by 8 (for the next 8 days) which amounts to 9400.00$. Making this the most expensive day yet! What would someone do with 40 rings anyways?
6 - Six Geese a-laying
This one was a no-brainer, all we need are six stuffed animals that look like geese, and some eggs to indicate that they are laying. So without much searching I found this goose plush for approximately 20.00$ and this pack of chocolate eggs for 10.00$. I know what you're thinking, “is that enough eggs for the next few days?” And to that I answer, “probably”, but if you truly want to find out, you can always buy the eggs and tell me if there's at least 42 (for the six geese for the seven days left.) That being said, the cost of all the geese plus the eggs would cost approximately 850.00$.
7 - Seven Swans a-Swimming
When I first read this lyric my first thought was, “great, more stuffed animals!” But then I realized that they would need to be swimming somehow, so I looked into an inflatable swimming pool that costs approximately 90.00$. And then I thought, “what if the swans were inflatable?” But I was met with only large inflatables meant for humans. That many would never fit in this pool however. That's exactly when I found these “Swan GoFloats” that are supposed to hold your drink while swimming. It couldn’t be more perfect, since these swans come in a pack of 3 for 10.00$. We’d only need to buy 14 packs to make up all the swans. That cost plus the cost of the pool amounts to approximately 230.00$, making this the cheapest day yet.
8 - Eight Maids a-Milking
I wanted to play this one safe, so I looked up the job description for a maid and found a result by indeed.com stating that a “Maid is responsible for taking care of a building's general cleanliness to provide tidy and sanitary amenities to guests and residents” That being said I am fully aware that the term “maid” in the dictionary is referring to women. But this is 2022, and if an ungendered gnome wants to be a maid, who are we to stop them? After all, if they fit the job description, it all works out. All this to say that the cleaning gnome costs approximately 18.00$. But we can’t stop there, it specifically says “eight maids a-milking.” And since I know you saw the image, I’m sure you’re probably wondering, “why almond milk?” Well that's because gnomes give this forest/tree vibe. So it felt only right to give them milk that comes from a nut. One container of this almond milk costs about 3.00$. After all the calculations, this day will cost 168.00$. The total cost for each time this day is repeated is 840.00$.
9 - Nine Ladies Dancing
This is a ballerina music box I found on Amazon. It's simple yet perfect for this day. Each one costs approximately 20.00$. 20 x 9 is 180.00$, then you have to multiply the cost by 4 for the next 4 days. Therefore, in total, this costs 720.00$.
10 - Ten Lords a-Leaping
The Oxford dictionary defines “lord” as, “someone or something having power, authority, or influence; a master or ruler.” Considering it's Christmas time, it felt only right for this lord to be a nutcracker king. Which wasn't too hard to find, except I realized that if they were to leap at all they would break into pieces. That's when I found this nutcracker plush for 36.00$. Since they have to be “leaping” I found this mini fitness trampoline for approximately 80.00$. Since we’d only need about one trampoline per 10 lords, and there's 3 days left, the trampolines would cost 240.00$. And the nutcrackers would cost 1080.00$, meaning that in total it would cost 1325.00$ with shipping.
11 - Eleven Pipers Piping
This seems fitting right, talking about pipers on the Piper Post? I found this Santa Piper ornament being sold for 36.00$. Which is great because it was surprisingly difficult to find any other forms of pipers on Amazon. 36$ x 11 is 396.00$, and adding the cost of the next day would be 792.00$.
12 - Twelve Drummers Drumming
There is no better way to conclude than to have twelve drummers perform their symphonies for you as you celebrate the twelfth and final day of Christmas. The four drummers can be found on Amazon here, here, here, and here. Together they cost approximately 116.00$. Since we need twelve drummers, we’d have to buy 3 of each. Amounting to 353.00$ in total for this final day.
The Final Results
After adding up all of the costs, we found that the true cost of The 12 Days of Christmas is 16,816.00$ in total. There you have it, now you know exactly how expensive it would be to buy your true love the whole 12 days. Maybe next time you hear this song play amidst all of the festive christmas shopping, you’ll think twice about it.
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